jokes with realistic endings

28 Notes

This crack me up so much. I stole them all from somethingawful.com

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies:

“I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existance and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s new house?

No.

Well, it’s really nice.

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How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella around?

In case it should rain.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He owned a sailboat. I haven’t seen him in years.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a blender?

The police report indicates three.

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How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

If you call up Steven Murphy Electrical Contractors on (08) 9284 7281 they can send over a qualified electrician to screw it in for you between 9-6 on any working day, guaranteed to arrive within an hour of your call or you get 50% off!

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Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work?

He was weird.

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Again, apologies.